With the repeal of Roe v Wade and abortion being banned in states across the United States, adoption needs to become a more common norm of American culture. However, there are going to be some difficult situations that arise. The following is from a reader who did a remarkable deed by adopting her niece and raising her despite having a son of her own she's was raising.

Hi Kevin!

My husband and I have three children, including a boy and girl who are both 20 years old.

When I was pregnant with my son, my teenage sister was also pregnant with a girl. We gave birth two days apart. However, my sister, who long suffered from mental health problems after being raped as a child, committed suicide a few weeks later. After about five months, her boyfriend (the biological father) approached my husband and I. He didn't feel a connection to the girl and wanted to be done with her. He asked if we would adopt her. As outrageous as it seemed in the moment and despite us both being sleep deprived, my husband and I felt a great sense of peace raising this girl as our own. All of the legal stuff happened very quickly and the biological father has not been heard of since it was finished.

Since the infants were so close in age, my husband and I decided to raise the children as twins. Our parents and my husband's siblings were aware of our decision, supported it, and everyone agreed to keep the secret. The kids both inherited my parent's Swedish traits and are blonde haired and blue eyed, making it very believable that they were twins. Honestly, I'd forget that they weren't twins very frequently.

At some point, we intended to tell her she was adopted, but the right opportunity never came up. I do think we would have done it if there was a parent who wanted to have a relationship with her, but we worried it would hurt her knowing there wasn't. Eventually, it just seemed like it was too late to tell her... or so I thought! Our daughter is now 20 years old and very pregnant with her first born. My dear, sweet husband thought this was the time to let her know she was adopted in case there were "medical things."

Anyway, my daughter was furious and is now refusing to talk to me and I'm absolutely devastated. Was I wrong for not telling her sooner? I did my best to raise a strong, independent, successful woman and I'm very proud of her and truly love her as much as my other two children. Any advice you can offer would be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

Alice

Hi Alice,

Here's my short answer. Yes, you were wrong for not forcing the issue sooner and having the talk with her. More importantly, you were wrong for raising your son and daughter as twins. A core part of their identities was a complete lie. However, you're also a legend and a hero for giving her a home and a family. Everything incredible about your daughter is a testament to the fact that you and your husband were and continue to be a conduit of God's graces that flowed to her.

Despite the complexity of your situation, my advice is pretty simple.

1. Pray for your daughter, grandchild, and the man who your daughter created this awesome life with.
2. Be patient. Your daughter will come around.

Based on what you wrote and how you wrote it, I do believe you love the crap out of your daughter. A child doesn't grow up loved by a parent like this without developing a permanent bond.

Right now, your daughter is extremely hurt, lost, and confused. Her identity as a twin to her brother is at the very root of who she is. That's been revealed to be a lie, and that would be disorientating to anyone. Eventually, she will want answers and she will listen to you. When you explain it to her, make sure she sees how much you love her and she will forgive you. Just give her however much time she needs.

Also, you didn't say much about your husband, but it's understandable that you would be extremely annoyed and angry at him. Try to be merciful, generous, and kind with him. What he did was ill-advised and stupid, but it came from a place of love and concern for the well being of your daughter and grandchild.

Finally, don't forget about your other two children, especially your 20 year old son. Although his hormones are hopefully more regulated than your "very pregnant daughter", this has also got to be extremely difficult for him. His identity has also been proven to be a lie.

I'll pray for your family as soon as I get this online. God bless you and your family! Through the grace of God, you all will recover from this.