The following situation was found on Reddit posted by a woman using the handle Big_Preparation_8903 wondering "Am I The Asshole?"

My sister has been married for 10 years and she has three children with her husband. She found out two weeks ago that her husband cheated on her at least a dozen times and got the other woman pregnant. This, of course, has been the most awful thing for my sister and I have been supporting and comforting her ever since she learned what happened.

My sister has spoken like she is heavily leaning toward staying with her husband so their kids lives don't get turned upside down. She has said that she could not be around the child though and would never accept them. I understand her feelings are all over the place and that she's still raw with all of this. But when she talked about staying and mentioned her feelings for the child I felt like I needed to step in and this is where I might be [The Asshole].

So there is some background as to why I feel so strongly. Our dad was the result of an affair. He was not American and his country of birth did not give divorce as an option. So his father's wife stayed and he ended up with custody of dad. Dad was made to suffer for his birth and it was something that really weighed on dad for the rest of his life. He said he was born hated and he knew he would die hated if his half siblings were still alive in his country of birth. His childhood was miserable and there were times he wondered how he survived his childhood. It was rough and he moved to America young to start anew and have a better life.

We were told about this a few times and I always think of dad and the pain he carried because of his childhood. So I truly feel divorce is better and especially when it's so easily available here vs what dad went through and what his father's wife went through with no options to leave. This is why I told my sister she shouldn't stay just to keep her kids lives from turning upside down. I pointed out that it was not healthy for anyone. I told her to think of dad.

She told me I shouldn't be putting pressure on her right now. That she knows what dad went through but this is her kids' lives. It's her life. She told me I wasn't helping anymore and that's what she needed. Help via me listening to her and shutting up about leaving. Then she told me I fucking sucked right now and I should be more worried about her than anyone.

Kevin Tracy's Advice

Y'all are all the assholes.

Okay, just to be clear, Asshole Number 1 in this situation is your cheating brother-in-law. The fact that he would have an ongoing affair with a woman while married with three children is an atrocity.

Asshole Number 2 is your brother-in-law's mistress, assuming she knew he was married. To her credit, she has decided not to abort her son or daughter (although her motive may have been to have a pawn to use to further entrap your brother-in-law).

Your sister is both victim and (minor) Asshole Number 3. Out of everyone in this tragic story, I like her the best. However, by repeating the situation you noted of your father's childhood (at least by her attitude), she's victimizing the child of her husband and mistress. This is a totally innocent child who bears no responsibility for anything. While the child will remind your sister of your brother-in-law's infidelity, if she can forgive her husband (which is an enormous task), there's no reason why she can't forgive this child. If, however, her strategy is to live in denial that the affair ever happened, then she's not really forgiving her husband and she's being an asshole to herself in the process.

Now, you want to know if you're an asshole for telling your sister to divorce her philandering husband. In short: Yes, you are.

The long version depends on some details you failed to provide. In general, however, the most ideal situation for EVERYONE involved is if she can convince her husband to call off the affair, go to marriage counselling, and rebuild her marriage. A husband is more than just a boyfriend! Being a spouse is supposed to be a life-long vocation to immense self sacrificial love for the other, even when (especially when) they don't deserve it. It seems impossible, but when we get married, we are called to love our spouse as God loves us. If we cheated on God by putting anything before Him, He would not divorce us forever. He forgives us, pursues us, and welcomes us back lovingly when we repent.

I get it. This man hurt your sister, broke his vows to her, and jeopardized the future of his three children with her. You want him punished for all of that; and that's a very natural feeling that comes ultimately from a place of love for your sister and your nieces and nephews. But you need to understand that by being married, her vocation is to rise above those feelings that would ordinarily break a dating relationship. She's called by vocation to continue to love him. As impossible as that may seem right now, all things are possible through God.

What your sister needs right now is your support. Be there for her, but try not to advise her what to do aside from to tell her to pray and listen to what God wants her to do. He's the only one who should be advising her right now. But be there for her and love her without sharing your opinion of the slimeball she's married to.