This past week, as I'm sure all of you have read in the newspaper, a woman who was a trainer at Sea World was killed by a killer whale. This story was especially big in our (me and Kevin Tracy's) neck of the woods, since Dawn Brancheau, the woman that was killed by Tilikum, the whale, went to Andrean High School right here in Northwest Indiana. The whale had killed two others in the past, and from what I can find Sea World has not yet determined what, exactly, to do with this killer whale.

The bigger problem here stems from the stupid remarks made by actors like Matt Damon and Jeff Goldblum (not to mention those idiot PETA members).

"I think they should just shut them all down," Damon told "The Insider" on the red carpet, saying that the death of trainer Dawn Brancheau was "horrible." "I've never been a fan of places like that."

"Actress Tippi Hedren, who founded a wildlife rescue organization in Southern California, is speaking out following yesterday's death of a trainer who was attacked by a killer whale at Sea World.

Tippi's statement, titled "Tilikum," the name of the whale involved in the attack, reads, "Animal abuse is rampant in the U.S., right under everyone’s eyes, for the entertainment of the public. The brutal confinement and pain of training methods of wild animals in the circus, the aquatic and theatrical shows, leads to retaliation by the animals. Eventually they find the right time to strike out, and they will.

"What is it going to take to make it clear these animals are wild? These animals are innocent; it is man and the huge amounts of money brought in by the animals that allows this kind of insanity and deception to continue. It is up to the public to stop attending these theatrical, and aquatic shows, and circuses with wild animals. The rhetoric about how the animals are happy and well cared for are lies. Don’t be swayed by them. The money behind these shows is huge; there is nothing good about them.

"Federal legislation is urgently needed to stop this insanity of wild animals in captivity."

Tippi founded the Roar Foundation's Shambala Preserve, which is home to about 60 big cats, including leopards, lions, tigers, cougars and more." (Excerpt from www.theinsider.com [dead link])

First let me say this: few of the quotes that I have been able to find on this poor woman's death have shown much concern for the HUMAN that was killed. Sure, Matt Damon made the off the cuff remark that it was a tragedy, and then went on to say how all of the animals should be returned to the wild. The fact that so many people can be so callous and use this as an opportunity to peddle an agenda instead of giving her family condolences is mind boggling, and so I'll start by going against the grain and doing just that.

To the Brancheau family, those of us at ktracy.com and want to let you know that our prayers go out to you during this tragic time. From what I have read in the newspapers, your lost loved one was an animal lover and didn't wish ill towards any of the aquatic life that she worked with.

Now, let's get my opinion on this matter (since I know you're all DIEING to hear what I have to say).

If Sea Worldhadn't acquired this whale, there is a good chance it would be feeding a bunch of Japanese families right now. While we here in America like to think of ourselves as better than that and recognize that the killer whale is an endangered species, the rest of the world couldn't give a crap less. Whales, like panda bears and elephants, are mostly no longer endangered (or at least to a lesser extent) because people have found a way to make money off of them. Plain and simple. Yes, laws have deterred some. But lets use the elephants in Africa as an example. People can pay big money to go on an elephant hunt, even though poaching the large animals is outlawed. This gives those in the villages a reason to keep the poachers from poaching. It's a little more difficult to have the same kind of idea with whales, what with the almost unlimited mobility of the aquatic animals, however the overall principle still applies here. The whales are fed like kings and trained to entertain the species with the larger brain (I don't care what you people say, when I can hire a whale to build a house or to do my homework, THEN I'll give up my rightful place on the "smartest species throne". Until then, I'll reign supreme, and I'm not too worried about handing off that scepter just yet, thank you), and a great majority of the whales do not kill their trainers. So while this one whale seems to have a history of this, the solution isn't "shut down all of the parks". On one message board talking about this incident, somebody had written "kill it and grill it". While I'm sure that would feed a lot of homeless people, how about this one whale, that is the problem whale, just gets let go into the ocean? If it's caught by Japan and eaten, great. If it's not, great. Win win here, people. The idea that all aquatic theme parks should be immediately shut down is kind of like that fifth grade teacher making EVERBODY stay after school for detention because of the disruptions of one individual, and it simply isn't fair.

I remember going to Sea World in Ohio when I was younger. It was awesome, and I hope that when my son is older I can take him to that same park and have a whale of a time (pun intended). So here is what I propose. All of you executives at Sea World, get out your notebooks and start taking some notes.

1. Continue your wonderful park
2. Detain all PETA members (this will of course need the President's approval of martial law, so wait for a Republican to be in office, maybe 2012?)
3. Feed PETA members to aquatic entertainers (my fancy rewording of "big otherwise useless fish mammals"). They should go willingly if you tell them that it is to help fix the balance of nature that has been disrupted by white Anglo-Saxon protestant men.

That last part is of course a joke. Or so my lawyer advises me to say.